I don't speak to my Dad and at the moment, that helps me for the relationship had a negative effect on my health, mental and emotional. He was never really there for me and history is repeating itself in that he has only see his grandson a handful of times in his 12 years of life: the last time he saw us, our son was 5-6. I stopped phoning him as I get fed up with telling little white lies to my son to hid my father's emotional inadequacies, rather than say to him that Grandad didn't want to see us. It was a difficult decision, but at least my son and I know where we stand. I research my family history, so not speaking is ironic, but I feel that Dad's idea is that families are things you grow out of, whilst for me, it's something you grow into. We aren't really part of his circle of life...
The typed journalling says: "I've not spoken to my father for 4-5 years. I wasn't a daddy's girl: he wasn't that sort of father. from 4, he told me I was "too big to cuddle". He walked out when I was a young adult & I had to hold the family together. I had hoped that he would be more involved when hubby & I had our son in 1997 but our son was 3 months old before my Dad saw him and last time he saw my son, he was about 6. Sunday evening was always Dad's day to ring & on those days I would have anxiety attacks at the prospect of talking to him, as the calls were superficial and I felt I had to tread on eggshells not to let my disappointment at having only half a relationship on his terms. When we spoke he would keep making excuses why we couldn't see him and I got fed up of trying to put a positive spin on Dad's refusals for my son. We Haven't spoken for so long as it's not his turn to phone & he won't phone me otherwise. Since then, I've felt much better - I don't feel sick on Sundays. I don't plan the silence to be permanent but I need to build myself up to cope with the disappointment of half a relationship (not the relationship I would like) before I can open up that door again."
Credits for both pages:
Light green floral paper - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking Paper Pack, Connemara
Brown and black paper - 7 Gypsies, Morocco Journey Paper - "Sultan"
Squared cream paper - Tangie Baxter, Darkroom, DeCrow papers
Label with ribbon and buckle - freebie from a craft magazine
Square page Pebble - Making Memories, adhesive medium blank square
"dad" (the first "d" actually is a "p" underside down) - Making Memories, Alison Rose woven alpha
"You me" and sequinned stickers - Partners Craft Embellishments
Floral flourishes - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking elements, Connemara
