Back on the Caravan - Catching up on AJC10 Week 11

I took some time away over my son's Easter holidays and then I had health checks on my tennis elbow, so it's taken a while for me to get back to my Art Journal. I also was unhappy with the first version of the page I had done for Week 11. Week 11's theme was to explore the idea of collection. Since childhood, I have collected all sorts of things, but for the first page in this set, I wanted to illustrate my childhood habit of pressing wild flowers, something that now is not possible to do because of UK Wildlife Laws.

Version 1: I just didn't like the digital pressed flowers or its feel.

Then this Tuesday I found a better background and the page now works :) for me. I still love looking at flowers, but now I just take photos...





Credits:


(I can't now remember the credits for the 1st version, other than the background paper was from Tangie Baxter @ Scrapbookgraphics, Field Notes paper, which I then used cropped for the final version)



Floral background paper - Nancie Rowe Janitz @ ScrapArtist, Paper Wishes paperset inspired by Wish Bliss Studio
Journalling paper - Tangie Baxter @ Scrapbookgraphics, Field Notes paper
Border - Christine Honsinger @ ScrapArtist, So Edgey 4 inspired by Wish Bliss Studio
3D flowers - K & Company, Handmade Layered Accents

AJC10 Week 10 - A Blank Page? (double page layout)

One of the alternative journalling prompt for this week was "What's your first reaction to a blank page or canvas?" I blogged about blank pages last year Oct/Nov time as I was trying to find me. The journalled poem appeared in my main blog then, but I've now added to it for the Art Journal Caravan.

Credits:
Background papers - Studio Tangie @ SBG, Nature Notes papers
Journal book - Studio Tangie @ SBG, Art Journal Caravan, Steamer Trunk Elements

AJC10: A summary of my week - last week

Postcards home

Credits:

Paper and elements from Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Week 9 parcel

except for postcard - from Studio Gypsy, Paper Fluff 1

AJC10 Weeks 7 and 8 - Open to learning More

On Monday I got my Open University Degree certificate through the post and wanted to include this event in my journal, as the qualification was hard fought for, as my depression meant that I had concentration problems throughout my studies. So this is a photocopy that I doodled on as it wasn't as colourful as I would have liked. I used watercolour pencils to colour the journalling, which says "Last year I finished [an] art history course and that conferred enough study points to earn a degree. The ceremony is in June this year :)" I nearly give up at the beginning of last year as I was finding the studying difficult and seemingly still had a long way to go. But I sat down and worked that with my previous professional studies (I'm a part qualified accountant - hated it) I could get some extra studies points, so only needed to do one final course to get an BA Open degree, rather than study for at least another 2 years to get a BA Humanities. I re-framed my view and am now a BA Open (Open) :). I'm trying to lose some weight ready for my degree ceremony photos.

Credits:
Photocopy of part of my degree certificate
Pencils - Derwent Inktense watercolour pencils
Black pen - Kuretake

AJC10 Double layout - my relationship with my dad (Warning: May trigger)

I don't speak to my Dad and at the moment, that helps me for the relationship had a negative effect on my health, mental and emotional. He was never really there for me and history is repeating itself in that he has only see his grandson a handful of times in his 12 years of life: the last time he saw us, our son was 5-6. I stopped phoning him as I get fed up with telling little white lies to my son to hid my father's emotional inadequacies, rather than say to him that Grandad didn't want to see us. It was a difficult decision, but at least my son and I know where we stand. I research my family history, so not speaking is ironic, but I feel that Dad's idea is that families are things you grow out of, whilst for me, it's something you grow into. We aren't really part of his circle of life...

The typed journalling says: "I've not spoken to my father for 4-5 years. I wasn't a daddy's girl: he wasn't that sort of father. from 4, he told me I was "too big to cuddle". He walked out when I was a young adult & I had to hold the family together. I had hoped that he would be more involved when hubby & I had our son in 1997 but our son was 3 months old before my Dad saw him and last time he saw my son, he was about 6. Sunday evening was always Dad's day to ring & on those days I would have anxiety attacks at the prospect of talking to him, as the calls were superficial and I felt I had to tread on eggshells not to let my disappointment at having only half a relationship on his terms. When we spoke he would keep making excuses why we couldn't see him and I got fed up of trying to put a positive spin on Dad's refusals for my son. We Haven't spoken for so long as it's not his turn to phone & he won't phone me otherwise. Since then, I've felt much better - I don't feel sick on Sundays. I don't plan the silence to be permanent but I need to build myself up to cope with the disappointment of half a relationship (not the relationship I would like) before I can open up that door again."

Credits for both pages:

Light green floral paper - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking Paper Pack, Connemara
Brown and black paper - 7 Gypsies, Morocco Journey Paper - "Sultan"
Squared cream paper - Tangie Baxter, Darkroom, DeCrow papers
Label with ribbon and buckle - freebie from a craft magazine
Square page Pebble - Making Memories, adhesive medium blank square
"dad" (the first "d" actually is a "p" underside down) - Making Memories, Alison Rose woven alpha
"You me" and sequinned stickers - Partners Craft Embellishments
Floral flourishes - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking elements, Connemara

My Life as a Quilt - scrapbooked AJC10 Week 3

This creative piece came to me this morning as I was sitting in bed. The quilt is imaginary but a good metaphor for my ability to remember everything and to add to it, embellishing the bad things so that they stood out. But now I'm letting go and forgeting some of the negatives, mending the memories and re-framing them with new more positive things.

Credits:

Background paper - Berna Datema, Best of Friends - Papers contact sheet

Ribbons - Miss Vivi, The Essentials - Ribbons

Journal Book element - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan, Steamer Trunk elements

"Mend" - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Week 3 parcel

Black Journalling Pen - Kuretake

Wording:

My Life as a Quilt

For years I had a negative "quilt"

A Remembrance quilt of kind

And each year I'd add a square

Mentally in my mind.

Each hateful word said of me

Each failure or deed unkind

Was lovingly added and

Embellished on, in my mind.

But this year my "quilt" will be positive

Unpicking the critic so unkind:

No "stupid"s or "useless" here

Just words both true and kind.

Each old square will be dismantled

Forgotten, forgiven, unloved

No longer used as weapons

To twist my thoughts. Enough!

I'll take away the inner critic

Stop listening to his words

For critics aren't paid to be nice

It's meanness that's their worth.

My journey may be long to mend

To unwrite the past so wrong

But I've got fellow travellers

And together we'll raise a happier song.

Struggling against the Bars - scrapbooked AJC10

This was a creative piece that I write last year on my main blog. *Warning* the piece deals with personal and weight issues - the words may trigger. Part of the reason I'm doing the Caravan is as a distraction as I confront my binge eating issues: I'm still struggling against the bars. The words are below after the credits.

Credits:

Background paper (rotated 90 degrees) - Tangie Baxter, Journal Anthology papers
Cage and the bird - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan week 2 parcel


Struggling Against the Bars

My past is my cage
And some days it's tight,
Keeping my arms by my side
Squeezing the breath and my flesh
Like a mask for a face
That's not mine.
But other days I'm a bird
Let free to soar,
And see all the colours
And more.

My weight is my cage
Hanging heavy on my limbs
But I want to be rid now.
I look to the future
But I can't see today
How to get through.
So I must look to the bird
Unburdened and free
To see how the weight
Can be lost
By slipping my chains
Or struggling against the bars
For a while.

AJC10 Week 2 - Choose what to accept

One of my problems in the past was accepting anything good about me, as I was told how useless or stupid I was by others, which my inner critic then repeated to me after the original speakers moved out of my life. When I do hear my inner critic now, I aim to challenge it and stop accepting that it's right. The thought bubbles are things that I should accept instead. The birdie is there to tie in with the weekly calendar task.

Credits:

Bird - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan week 2 parcel elements
Background paper - Tangie Baxter, Journal Anthology Papers
"Accept this" - Dyno Junior dynotape

Silhouette - adapted to look like me from Wikipedia entry about Silhouette

My own thought bubbles

AJC10: Prologue - page 2

This page follows on from the quotation layout on page 1. I wanted to explain and capture my earlier blog of today, so that the quote tied in with the Art Journal project. I used Photoshop to alter the size of digital art elements to fit into my 6x6ish format.

Credits:
Background paper - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Steamer Trunk Papers
Altered Word card - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Parcel 1
Travel Journal book element - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Steamer Trunk Elements
"Admit One" ticket tag - 7 gypsies
"Destination Unknown" wooden tag, part of Travel Dipsticks tag set - We R Memory Keepers