AJC10 Week 13 - "Where thou art, that is home"

This piece is based on a blog I wrote in Sept last year on my main blog - a jewel shining through: http://ajewelshiningthrough.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-am-what-i-am.html The paper just went so well with the journalling :) Wish I could draw like that really - perhaps one day :)

Credit:

Background paper - Tangie Baxter & Sherrie JD @ Scrapbookgraphics, Junque Journal collab set

AJC10 Philately will get you anywhere ;)

I also collected stamps as a child, poring over books to find out what each stamp was, identifying the country it came from and then looking in the Atlas my paternal granny had given me to find out where in the world some of the countries were. I would buy a bag of stamps, soak them from their envelopes if needed, then put the stamps in a ring binder, in country, then year, order. My original collection was thrown out by my 1st (ex-) husband - he had a habit of declaring clearouts and then thrown out my stuff, but none of his - I wrote a poem about that http://ajewelshiningthrough.blogspot.com/2009/06/lets-have-clearout.html ;) I still collect stamps from correspondence, from friends and family - so mostly my stamps are from the UK, Ireland, USA, Canada and Australia - but I don't catalogue them anymore: I have them in a plastic box and use the spares for embellishments. The collage was made mostly with real stamps, some of which I trimmed to fit the spaces.

Credit:

Background paper (mostly covered over with stamps but just peeking through in places) - Me and My Ideas, Vintage Scrappy Chic, Silver grey diamond patterned Collage Paper Collection

Tag - K & Co, Cut n Paste assorted tag sheet

"Love" and "Imagine" stamps - Pebbles inc. Real Life, Adhesive Die Cut Stamps, Random

Other stamps - from my spares stamp collection

AJC10 Week 10 - To be free at Last - Scrap-inspired by Fran Horne

(Forgive the quality of the photo - the piece is red, white and black).

Last Saturday, I took the decision to go to Malvern, a place where I used to live when I was first married. My first marriage was short but was mentally abusive and whilst I love Malvern, there's still a small part of me that fears going there. Anyway, despite feeling nervous, I survived, and found that an art exhibition was on in one of the shops. The artist (Fran Horne) is a book artist and the exhibition was inspiring, as the artist's style could easily be adapted for art journalling. Her website shows some of the work that was on exhibition http://www.franhorne.co.uk/ and my page above is inspired by her work. The page is from "The Self-Esteem Companion" by McKay, Fanning, Honeychurch and Sutker, a book that I accidently ordered twice, but rather than send it back, I thought I would alter one copy and then I saw the Fran Horne Exhibition and it felt serendipendous to do that to a page. The page on "Freeing Your Body" appeared to be relevant for this week

Pens - Kuretake

AJC10 Double layout - my relationship with my dad (Warning: May trigger)

I don't speak to my Dad and at the moment, that helps me for the relationship had a negative effect on my health, mental and emotional. He was never really there for me and history is repeating itself in that he has only see his grandson a handful of times in his 12 years of life: the last time he saw us, our son was 5-6. I stopped phoning him as I get fed up with telling little white lies to my son to hid my father's emotional inadequacies, rather than say to him that Grandad didn't want to see us. It was a difficult decision, but at least my son and I know where we stand. I research my family history, so not speaking is ironic, but I feel that Dad's idea is that families are things you grow out of, whilst for me, it's something you grow into. We aren't really part of his circle of life...

The typed journalling says: "I've not spoken to my father for 4-5 years. I wasn't a daddy's girl: he wasn't that sort of father. from 4, he told me I was "too big to cuddle". He walked out when I was a young adult & I had to hold the family together. I had hoped that he would be more involved when hubby & I had our son in 1997 but our son was 3 months old before my Dad saw him and last time he saw my son, he was about 6. Sunday evening was always Dad's day to ring & on those days I would have anxiety attacks at the prospect of talking to him, as the calls were superficial and I felt I had to tread on eggshells not to let my disappointment at having only half a relationship on his terms. When we spoke he would keep making excuses why we couldn't see him and I got fed up of trying to put a positive spin on Dad's refusals for my son. We Haven't spoken for so long as it's not his turn to phone & he won't phone me otherwise. Since then, I've felt much better - I don't feel sick on Sundays. I don't plan the silence to be permanent but I need to build myself up to cope with the disappointment of half a relationship (not the relationship I would like) before I can open up that door again."

Credits for both pages:

Light green floral paper - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking Paper Pack, Connemara
Brown and black paper - 7 Gypsies, Morocco Journey Paper - "Sultan"
Squared cream paper - Tangie Baxter, Darkroom, DeCrow papers
Label with ribbon and buckle - freebie from a craft magazine
Square page Pebble - Making Memories, adhesive medium blank square
"dad" (the first "d" actually is a "p" underside down) - Making Memories, Alison Rose woven alpha
"You me" and sequinned stickers - Partners Craft Embellishments
Floral flourishes - Laura Ashley Scrapbooking elements, Connemara

AJC10: Some things don't mend with a cup of tea

Credits:
Background paper - Studio Baers Garten, Painted Solids paper
Tea Bag, String and Tag - Berna Datema, Tea Tags Volume 2
Cupcake - Tangie Baxter, Merry Cupcake set
Floral flourish pieces and Ribbon - Laura Ashley, Connemara Scrapbooking embellishments

My Life as a Quilt - scrapbooked AJC10 Week 3

This creative piece came to me this morning as I was sitting in bed. The quilt is imaginary but a good metaphor for my ability to remember everything and to add to it, embellishing the bad things so that they stood out. But now I'm letting go and forgeting some of the negatives, mending the memories and re-framing them with new more positive things.

Credits:

Background paper - Berna Datema, Best of Friends - Papers contact sheet

Ribbons - Miss Vivi, The Essentials - Ribbons

Journal Book element - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan, Steamer Trunk elements

"Mend" - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan Week 3 parcel

Black Journalling Pen - Kuretake

Wording:

My Life as a Quilt

For years I had a negative "quilt"

A Remembrance quilt of kind

And each year I'd add a square

Mentally in my mind.

Each hateful word said of me

Each failure or deed unkind

Was lovingly added and

Embellished on, in my mind.

But this year my "quilt" will be positive

Unpicking the critic so unkind:

No "stupid"s or "useless" here

Just words both true and kind.

Each old square will be dismantled

Forgotten, forgiven, unloved

No longer used as weapons

To twist my thoughts. Enough!

I'll take away the inner critic

Stop listening to his words

For critics aren't paid to be nice

It's meanness that's their worth.

My journey may be long to mend

To unwrite the past so wrong

But I've got fellow travellers

And together we'll raise a happier song.

Struggling against the Bars - scrapbooked AJC10

This was a creative piece that I write last year on my main blog. *Warning* the piece deals with personal and weight issues - the words may trigger. Part of the reason I'm doing the Caravan is as a distraction as I confront my binge eating issues: I'm still struggling against the bars. The words are below after the credits.

Credits:

Background paper (rotated 90 degrees) - Tangie Baxter, Journal Anthology papers
Cage and the bird - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan week 2 parcel


Struggling Against the Bars

My past is my cage
And some days it's tight,
Keeping my arms by my side
Squeezing the breath and my flesh
Like a mask for a face
That's not mine.
But other days I'm a bird
Let free to soar,
And see all the colours
And more.

My weight is my cage
Hanging heavy on my limbs
But I want to be rid now.
I look to the future
But I can't see today
How to get through.
So I must look to the bird
Unburdened and free
To see how the weight
Can be lost
By slipping my chains
Or struggling against the bars
For a while.

AJC10 Week 2 - Choose what to accept

One of my problems in the past was accepting anything good about me, as I was told how useless or stupid I was by others, which my inner critic then repeated to me after the original speakers moved out of my life. When I do hear my inner critic now, I aim to challenge it and stop accepting that it's right. The thought bubbles are things that I should accept instead. The birdie is there to tie in with the weekly calendar task.

Credits:

Bird - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan week 2 parcel elements
Background paper - Tangie Baxter, Journal Anthology Papers
"Accept this" - Dyno Junior dynotape

Silhouette - adapted to look like me from Wikipedia entry about Silhouette

My own thought bubbles

AJC10: Don't - now as a layout

This creative writing piece appeared earlier in my art blog this week, as I needed to record the thought, play with it and refine it before I'd reached the page it was to appear on. The messages at the top should be read with the DON'T as the first word to each line, until "Some rules are made to be broken". These were messages I was left with as my depression has revealed, explaining why on bad days I feel bound/tied up by my past, paralysed to do anything. The good thing about depression is that your mind does eventually reveal these past messages and often reveals ways around still believing this "all or nothing" thinking. I am still on the road to recovery, but each step forward takes me away from the darkest days.

Credits:

Background paper - Birgit Kerr, Echoes from the Past, Love letters paper

"Don't" - Dyno Junior dynotape

"Round the World" and Airballoon elements - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan, Steamer Trunk elements

"Word" card - Tangie Baxter, Art Journal Caravan, Week 1 Parcel - I added "Freedom" using Photoshop and its fonts

The words of the creative writing piece also used a Photoshop font.